You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
