i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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