Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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