My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
