Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
