dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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