And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I wear drunk well.
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