I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
