Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You're a waste of cheezeits
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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