Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
