Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
