Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
