I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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