omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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