If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
