using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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