I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
