toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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