How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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