Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
