That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
