He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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