I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
