Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
