somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Dicks are not precious.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
