I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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