Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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