You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
