Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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