Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
