Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
