hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
