I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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