Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
