yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
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And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
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Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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