420 ftw
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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