i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
