So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
