You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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