my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
