Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
