but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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