I CAN MOONWALK!
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
