I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??