Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.