Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes