omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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