he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
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I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
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Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.