I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
