My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.