But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."