So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
