i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
pray to the hookup gods
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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