Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
