Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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