are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
