Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
