4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
