He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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