Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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