Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
