I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize