hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
