dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
