You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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