my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
