Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
