No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
