Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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