I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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