he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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